When I was in my 20s I hated myself. I would even go so far as saying I was verbally abusive to myself. I sometimes cut myself. It’s been a long road to become this woman that I am today in my 70s. I truly did find myself again. Yesterday I told my niece that I have found peace and clarity, acceptance, in my life. What a wonderful place to be. Thank you Lesley for being a source of that clarity.
This is lovely, Lesley. I always respond to sincere memoir. The dark and light have to swirl, we can't live lives of light only-although maybe there comes a day when even the dark is illuminated as you have shown in this piece.
Similarly, my quest for home is one I carry close to my chest and rarely speak aloud. Home is my nest, my grounding. 2024 brought it all to a close and beginnings are now at every corner. As I sat here sketching some blooming flowers and saw your notification, I had to pause and read your thoughts. I grew up in a culture that placed a tremendous value on sacrifice, especially for the women. La vida es sacrificio. A phrase I was told by every relative in my sphere. Six kiddos later and I mastered the art of taking care of everyone else but myself, mopping and scrubbing and organizing and knowing for everyone but myself. There is a shift in the air, however, and I have been talking myself out of that Catholic guilt and giving myself permission to just be. I choked up when I read your final lines about home not being a place. While many would consider it cliche, I can definitively insist that home is a place for me. And in me. I hope I am fortunate enough as you have been to keep centering on myself and watching what the universe will open for me. Because I sure do feel it knocking, at my door. Have a great week
If it's is knocking, you have to let it in. I often wonder how much Catholic guilt plays a part in our sacrificing ourselves for "La vida es sacrificio" Thank you for your thoughts.
You are the first email in my box today! Every word you wrote resonates with me today! We are in the midst of major life changes, and yearning for that home, in the emotional, spiritual and physical sense. Both of us feeling the press of age, physical challenges and the desire to be with family. So a big move from Florida to North Carolina is in progress. Just thought I’d pop in and not be a lurker today! Thank you for your wonderful share.
Once again, beautifully and generously shared, and tenderly written. Seeking, finding, and creating homes is an every day quest, and was, always, as far as I remember. Just say the word Home, and a whole world is opened anew. And I am in. Thank you.
Incredible article and so real. After my knee surgery I wrote down on scratch paper, "I thought I lost myself but here I am" Different but a similar feeling. Thank you for your words💕
This is a very poignant post because I am dealing with the frustration of being a full time elderly caretaker and "not having time" or not making time I think is more appropriate. To put myself first is a foreign concept and I want to design and make art. I want to rest and ponder. Get my "life in order". I feel like I am failing at all of it right now. However, at the same time, I know that this caretaking to the best of my ability is important also.
Thanks, Jenny. I used to tell myself, "It isn't my time right now." I knew it would come and it will Figure out ways to put your toe in. Even 5 minutes a day can be beneficial. See if this will help - https://lesleyriley.com/making-time-for-making-art/
I am so happy for you. I was always trying to please others. Fortunately it worked for me and I was lucky to have my blessings. Thank you for sharing your experience.
When I was in my 20s I hated myself. I would even go so far as saying I was verbally abusive to myself. I sometimes cut myself. It’s been a long road to become this woman that I am today in my 70s. I truly did find myself again. Yesterday I told my niece that I have found peace and clarity, acceptance, in my life. What a wonderful place to be. Thank you Lesley for being a source of that clarity.
I am so happy to hear that the past is behind you now.
So beautifully written, and 1000% true. Thank you for expressing these feelings for us all.
Thanks so much, Lisa.
This is lovely, Lesley. I always respond to sincere memoir. The dark and light have to swirl, we can't live lives of light only-although maybe there comes a day when even the dark is illuminated as you have shown in this piece.
Thank you, Leslie. I appreciate your words.
This touched a chord in me. I felt the same, and finally in my 60s began to write. I now have four books published and feel at home within myself.
Four books! Wonderful. Please share a title or two.
Similarly, my quest for home is one I carry close to my chest and rarely speak aloud. Home is my nest, my grounding. 2024 brought it all to a close and beginnings are now at every corner. As I sat here sketching some blooming flowers and saw your notification, I had to pause and read your thoughts. I grew up in a culture that placed a tremendous value on sacrifice, especially for the women. La vida es sacrificio. A phrase I was told by every relative in my sphere. Six kiddos later and I mastered the art of taking care of everyone else but myself, mopping and scrubbing and organizing and knowing for everyone but myself. There is a shift in the air, however, and I have been talking myself out of that Catholic guilt and giving myself permission to just be. I choked up when I read your final lines about home not being a place. While many would consider it cliche, I can definitively insist that home is a place for me. And in me. I hope I am fortunate enough as you have been to keep centering on myself and watching what the universe will open for me. Because I sure do feel it knocking, at my door. Have a great week
If it's is knocking, you have to let it in. I often wonder how much Catholic guilt plays a part in our sacrificing ourselves for "La vida es sacrificio" Thank you for your thoughts.
You are the first email in my box today! Every word you wrote resonates with me today! We are in the midst of major life changes, and yearning for that home, in the emotional, spiritual and physical sense. Both of us feeling the press of age, physical challenges and the desire to be with family. So a big move from Florida to North Carolina is in progress. Just thought I’d pop in and not be a lurker today! Thank you for your wonderful share.
#1! That makes me smile. Thanks for leaving a comment here in the midst of the move. May it all go well and fulfill all your needs.
Once again, beautifully and generously shared, and tenderly written. Seeking, finding, and creating homes is an every day quest, and was, always, as far as I remember. Just say the word Home, and a whole world is opened anew. And I am in. Thank you.
Thank you, Orly. Reading what you write is like coming home for me.
Awww, I am moved Lesley. Thank you.
Incredible article and so real. After my knee surgery I wrote down on scratch paper, "I thought I lost myself but here I am" Different but a similar feeling. Thank you for your words💕
I believe that when we go through changes we do tend to lose a part of ourselves, if only to make room for all the new stuff. Heal well.
This is a very poignant post because I am dealing with the frustration of being a full time elderly caretaker and "not having time" or not making time I think is more appropriate. To put myself first is a foreign concept and I want to design and make art. I want to rest and ponder. Get my "life in order". I feel like I am failing at all of it right now. However, at the same time, I know that this caretaking to the best of my ability is important also.
Thanks, Jenny. I used to tell myself, "It isn't my time right now." I knew it would come and it will Figure out ways to put your toe in. Even 5 minutes a day can be beneficial. See if this will help - https://lesleyriley.com/making-time-for-making-art/
My favorite quote of all time. I’m writing a course for my students right now A Year of Self-Care, addressing this exact thing!
That’s great. Which quote is your favorite?
I am so happy for you. I was always trying to please others. Fortunately it worked for me and I was lucky to have my blessings. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I still tend to want to please others, but I do evaluate the cost of what's important to me. We do get to be a little more selfish in our later years.