Open the Door

another dream story

Photo by Peter Herrmann on Unsplash

I have had, on several occasions (but not recently, darn it), a dream in which I discovered a door to another room in my house. It’s a room I never knew existed and when I find it, I am thrilled at the possibilities - a studio? a room of my own (a lá my friend Virginia Woolf)? a secret hideaway?

I always took it to mean that I still had another part of myself to explore. I miss that dream. With my kids grown and flown, I now have a studio and room of my own. That could be one reason I haven’t had it in so long. But I still have another part, or two or ten, of myself to explore, so why not the dream? Am I living the dream?

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time. T. S. Eliot

When we are little, we think our parents know everything and expect that we, too, will eventually grow up and know everything. At about age 40, you may begin to think that you have started to figure it all out. And then suddenly you realize that you never will know it all. The realization of that misconception and discovering that knowing oneself is never-ending can be a blessing or a curse. I see it as a blessing, an opportunity, a way to dig for the gold within ourselves. A few lines later, Eliot wrote, “Not known, because not looked for.”

As we age we are tempted to stop looking or spend our time looking back over what we did or didn’t do. Looking back isn’t a bad thing to do as long as you use it to propel yourself forward. Circle back, plan forward. Open every door.

Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door. Emily Dickinson - an early Fragment from 1999

On May 29, 2008 I wrote the following blog post:

“In a continuing effort to bring you more art, here again is another 1999 Fragment. On the back I have written:

‘OK, I’ve been working (playing) at writing down these thoughts about each Fragment and I’ve just had a really moving revelation. I still can’t put it into words yet, but something important is happening during this process. Strangely enough, this physical feeling occurred inside right before I laid eyes on this piece and when I saw it, it really expressed visually what I was feeling at that moment. I may need to keep this one. It may have more to say.

Now, almost 10 years later, I know what that feeling was. I know what this Fragment was trying to tell me. I had found my voice. I had found what I had been searching for for over 40 years and it was staring me in the face. I had created what was in my soul.”

And here’s where it gets interesting…

“Now, after 10 years, this voice wearies, has grown hoarse and weak. I still love what it says but I am ready for more. I know that it will not take another 40 years for my voice to emerge again, but it does take time. I think I am doing exactly what needs to be done ~ even the cleaning. The process of finding and going through and sorting the accumulations of the past 10 years, the notes, ideas, journals, art, and materials that have accompanied me on my journey is for sure a step on the way to my next revelation. These revelations don’t come to you if you just sit and wait for them. As I have known all along, you must keep moving, taking the next step, even though you do not know why or where it leads.”

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And now, 16 years later. I find myself in the same place - ready for more.

Everything I write is as much for myself as it is for my readers. I have always thought that if I am realizing, working out, or experiencing something, then you might be too. Last week I heard from many readers that they were feeling the same urge I was to try something new in their art practice. The desire and urge grow and stretch yet again. To open a new door or two.

Wisdom is the prize we get for a life well lived. The wise know that there is still so much more for us to learn, experience, and grow from. There is no one stopping you from opening every door you come to. And you have every right to explore what you find behind each and every door. To grow is to know.

Do you? Do you open every door? Leave a comment and let me know. I always open every door. Most of the time I can look right inside and tell I don’t need to go there. But I have to open them all to know. I’ve always been open to new experiences, new ideas. I love coming across new doors to open. I will always seek them out.

Quote of the Week

Follow your bliss. If you do follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in the field of your bliss, and they open the doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid, and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be. If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.

Joseph Campbell

P.S. This is the full text of the oft-shortened quote.
It has certainly been true for me, so please do follow your bliss, and open those doors. Remember, we’ve got further to fly!