Remember Not to Forget

This has never happened before

Preface

I had a wonderful time at the high school graduation party for my granddaughter and grandson last Sunday afternoon. Conveniently, they go to the same school and are in the same grade. They are wonderful, bright, kind, and courteous and mature for their age. Of course, they have great parents.

The actual graduation was the following night. I’ve been to about 6 or 7 grandkids high school and college graduations (so far). They’ve always been in the daytime. I felt really bad, but I had to pass on this one. When I got home from the party, I barely had enough energy to get ready for bed. I was asleep by 9 pm. I try to stay awake until 10:30 or so because, for the last several years, I automatically wake up exactly 7 hours later. I was awake seven hours later at 4:30 am. Wide awake. I knew I wouldn’t make it through the 2-hour round-trip drive to their school and sitting on the bleachers for a couple more. Just being in a crowd wears me out now. I opted for self-care. I did see them graduate via Livestream, but missed all the joyous family celebrating afterward.

Apparently, I made the right decision.

The Day After

I made, what I was hoping to be, a quick run to Walmart, mid-morning on Monday. It must have been a busy weekend because they were out of 3 or 4 things on my list. I always shop with a list, one compiled to coincide with the store layout. My husband is a big fruit eater. We needed bananas and grapes. All they had were some very green bananas, so I got one bunch just in case my backup store only had green ones, too. There were only 2 forlorn and lonesome bags of grapes in the case, so I passed them buy. I used the self-checkout as usual and weighed and bagged the bananas last. I always do so that the banana bag sits on top, so the bananas don’t get bruised. Paid and headed to the car.

As I walked to the exit, I heard, “Ma’am, Ma’am”. I was pretty sure they weren’t calling me. I paid. I didn’t surreptitiously bag anything I didn’t pay for. All was good. The “Ma’am got louder, and I turned around to see what was going on. The self-checkout monitor was hurrying down the aisle shouting, “Ma’am, you forgot your bananas.”

I never forget. Or do I?

Next, I head down the road to the “higher prices” grocery store to get the rest of the items on my list, especially bananas and grapes. I was in luck. They had a lot of almost ready-to-eat bananas, so I stocked up - 4 days worth (I hope). The grape section was overflowing with freshly stocked grapes. I added two bags to my cart.

As before, I used the self-checkout. Paid and headed to the car. I was loading the bag into my car when I heard it again, “Ma’am, you forgot your grapes”. The self-checkout monitor found me in the parking lot, and sure enough, I had left the bag of grapes on the baggage stand.

I got in the car and began to worry. Am I losing my mind? I wasn’t preoccupied with anything, so that’s no excuse. I do have to look at my calendar repeatedly to see when and where I’m supposed to be. Repeatedly, I confess several times a day.

Then I remind myself that I can still do a heck of a lot of things that require a sharp mind. Yes, the mind is sharp.

It’s the damn memory that is malfunctioning. At the grad party, I was talking to my sister-in-law about my sister and her husband. I totally blanked on her husband’s name. It took me about 12 seconds to remember it. Not too bad, but a stalled memory nonetheless.

I’m fully aware that memory issues are common in my age group. I’ll forget a name, but if I wait long enough, it comes to me. Days can go by without forgetting anything, so to have three major memory absences in a row worries me.

I’m not going to let it bother me. I haven’t forgotten anything today, and I’m feeling positive about tomorrow because of these Chat GPT generated words of wisdom:

“The fact that the two incidents happened close together may make them feel like evidence of decline. But they may actually be evidence of the same temporary condition: exhaustion. It’s often less a memory problem than an attention transition problem. The brain quietly checks out before the task is actually finished. [Aha, my brain checked out!]

What if forgetting is not always the opposite of attention? What if sometimes it is the result of attention being directed elsewhere?

That reminds me of something I once read: when we are young, memory is often about acquisition. We are gathering names, dates, skills, obligations, addresses, appointments, phone numbers. As we age, memory becomes more curatorial. We stop trying to keep everything. The mind begins selecting.

The mind is not a filing cabinet. It’s an artist.

It edits.

It emphasizes.

It crops.

It layers.

It discards.”

Chat sure knows how to entertain (and ease) my mind, especially treating memory like art. What do you think about Chat’s response?

Quotes of the Week

My impressions are scattered like glittering stars on the dark velvet of my memory.
Etty Hillesum

Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us.
Toni Morrison

The present moment is unlike the memory of it. Remembering is not the negative of forgetting. Remembering is a form of forgetting.
Milan Kundera

We must forget what we have been taught so we can remember what we know.
Alan Cohen