I'm Spreading my Wings Again
heading into uncharted territory
Right now, I am asking myself, what is my authentic gesture? I have been artistically exploring my way through life, making my own meaning, and trying to make visible what is in my mind, my heart, and my soul, sharing it all along the way through teaching and writing. I believe that art is our soul made visible.
But I am at a crossroads now. A year ago, while completing my 17-quilt Civil War series, I began to question my materials, methods, and mode of working. It has been 25 years since I started telling stories with photos, fabric, and words. It’s a comfort zone that I feel more than confident working in. And therein lies the problem.
It’s too easy.
I’ve got the itch to want something more from myself. It’s been niggling at me for too many months to ignore. But how do you begin exploring the new when you are still entrenched in teaching, lecturing, and writing about the old? I want to travel someplace new but am firmly entrenched in the old.
I took a leap of faith and signed up for an online workshop aptly titled Brave Space. I jumped at the chance and eagerly jumped into the first assignment. Working larger than I ever have before (on 40x60” paper), we had to add 10-12 layers before we could “begin to think about how to bring the piece to completion by developing emerging images or abstract composition and resolve the work in various ways.” I had created a gloriously rich background and didn’t know where to go from there. My first idea was to grab some fabric and collage it on top. I thought it looked pretty good. It spoke to me. It also felt like a cop-out. An easy solution to quickly “resolve” the piece.
Given that my end goal is to learn new ways of working, thinking, and expressing myself authentically, I decided to find another solution. And that’s where I am now. I feel uneasy being in the experimental stage. I cannot find my authentic gestures, feel confident, or recognize if my outcomes are authentic without going through heaps of uncertainty. I don’t want to fall back on comfortable solutions. At (almost) 72, I still have and want new frontiers to explore and conquer. Uncharted territory. Further to fly, right? To be honest, I still hear that negative critic voice saying, “Why bother?” Thankfully, it will go away while I’m working on the art.
I realize it’s not an either/or. I can still create the Fabric Poems, Fragments, and quilts I love—and I will. But for me to feel authentic, I need to dig deeper and find what lies within. So much has happened and changed since I wrote about being closer to my authentic gesture in 2008. It’s time to see what my 2025 authentic self and gestures bring. Time again to spread my wings.
If you’ve had a similar experience with your artmaking, I'd love to hear how you weathered the journey from old to new work.
Quote of the Week
The wonderful and terrifying point of it all is that expression of your authentic voice takes courage. Ian Roberts
Dare I say your struggle strikes a deep and familiar chord in my own quest for authenticity? I dare. The tingle, or itch, of a restless spirit. We long for more. Unchartered experiences in a world that is so common. The elusive explosion of bliss when we have arrived at that end of a piece. That flight you take requires so much courage. If only it were sold in vending machines.
Ah..... While reading, I immediately thought of being in PT this past Wednesday. The exercise has been to stand on the compromised leg and reach the other leg out toward a red cup placed on the floor....just out of reach. It has been one of the harder exercises to do, as all my body weight is on the recovering leg. I began and it felt every-so-slightly easier. The PT wizard came around and said "Hang on a minute, I wanted to change that up for you." Like he was doing me a favor! He put a 2" piece of firm foam (is foam every really firm?) under the recovering leg. A complete game changer!! I was so off center, wobbly and it suddenly became SO hard! I voiced my concerns and he said "Just because it's harder, doesn't mean you're not on track. It means you're challenging your leg to get stronger." I continued to wobble away! Parker J. Palmer wrote an entire book on "standing on the edge of the unknown" intitled "On The Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity And Getting Old." In it he explores the notion of 'not knowing' and what a beautiful thing that is. I say, "thank you" for sharing your journey with us in this all important and encompassing piece of your life; your art! Wobble away for awhile...you'll land on firm footing and be a stronger artist for it!!