24 Years Ago

Part 2

We are meant to know we have lived a life and not just done this and that.
Marv Hiles

Continuing on from Part 1, the question was, “What is the one thing you’ve always wanted to do?” Surprisingly, my first answer was, “Get my degree.” It got me thinking… why had I given up before? The children? That was obvious, but I had always fit in a class over the years. Money? Well, sure, it’s always tight, but we’ve always been able to find it when we needed it. Was this a real need, a degree? I deemed it so. My desire was strong, and the time seemed right. I believe in the theory that the universe presents things to you when you are ready for them. I decided to act.

Next, I needed to decide what to get my degree in. My former major, Housing & Applied Design, had been discontinued by the University. I already had a profession. Getting a degree in art seemed frivolous since I had already established myself as an artist. I sat down with the College Park and University College [night school division] and searched for courses that would contribute to my interests. And there they were, almost at the very end, right before Zoology. The timing was great. WMST 250 [intro class] was being offered Summer session at 6 pm. It was the perfect opportunity to see if I could fit school into my life and see if WMST was what I really wanted. And I had to see if WMST wanted me.

I thought I’d quietly sign up and show up, but because I needed to declare a new major before I could register, I had to meet with Laura Nichols, department assistant director. I was a little scared to make the first phone call, not sure of myself or how a returning student would be received. Laura was so warm and welcoming on the phone that my fears were diminished. After meeting with her, the fear was gone, replaced by eagerness.

I loved my first class and couldn’t wait for the next one. Now that my second WMST class is coming to an end, I’m hooked. I hadn’t realized how much I would enjoy the intellectual stimulation. I love being introduced to new writers, like Audre Lorde, and have a reason to delve deeper into writers and poets I already knew: Adrienne Rich, Tillie Olsen, Alicia Ostriker.

[Evaluation and comments on assigned readings omitted]

“I hold it true that thoughts are things/ Endowed with bodies, breath and wings”
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Poetry. Wouldn’t a senior seminar on Women and Poetry be a wonderful class? Poetry is one of those things I keep putting off for later when I have more time. I love words. I love creating images with words, but working with fabric and paper comes easier to me, and I can do that amongst the noise and clutter of my life. Poetry takes quiet. I do have poetic fragments written down. A line, a thought, a moment captured and set aside to develop later when my mind is uncluttered and available for poetic musing. For me, writing takes a quiet space where I can calm the everyday chatter and go deep to the dark and ancient place of power Audre Lorde speaks of. That opportunity is extremely rare right now. In the meantime, if I can’t write poetry, at least I can read it.

I have had trouble finding poems that resonate with my soul. No More Masks is full of poems I can identify with and ones I understand. Now that I understand that poetry is the art of language, I can now read it from an artist’s perspective, and while I don’t always understand, now I know that I don’t have to understand, just experience. It may be enough to enjoy the combination of words or the images they create. Poetry should come as naturally to us as breathing, but the patriarchal system of teaching it leaves many in fear and confusion. Most of us strayed when we couldn’t conquer iambic pentameter. Poetry should come from the heart and soul and not be confined to rules. But how many of us know that? How many have attempted to write poetry once we’re out of school?

I think women are natural poets. By our nature we are more in tune with our feelings and more likely to try and express them. If we are afraid of poetry, this expression may take on other forms and never rise as poems. Or these feelings may be buried so deep they may never rise to the surface in any form. Writing a poem could be as much of a learning experience and self-empowering experience for this class as the other writing assignments.

[Sections omitted]

The gains I have made this semester are equal to the gains I have made over the last seven years. Returning to school at this time in my life, at this point in my development as an artist and my own unsilencing, has already given me what I sought when I made the decision to return. I thought a degree would give me credibility and increase my chances of having other women listen to me. What I have gained is credibility in my own eyes, and that’s all I really needed. That’s self-empowerment.